Friendship Cannot Help Violent People

In light of the recent school shooting, many people are claiming that friendship is the answer to preventing incidents like this from happening in the future. Unfortunately, it is not. In fact, the desire to 'love' people out of their violence is the reason 3 women are killed by their partners every day in the United States. 

We are confusing bullied, lonely individuals in need of friendship with disturbed individuals who need professional help, and it is vital that we understand the difference. 

Loving a person who has no friends and has been ostracized by society is a noble thing, and it is helpful to those who have been left out. After all, scripture commands us to love the widows and the orphans and those who have no helper. 

Our love, however, cannot heal the angry, unhinged individuals who commit horrific crimes. 

Statistics show that the men responsible for gruesome acts of mass shootings or other public acts of terror are usually guilty of battering their wives and showing aggressive tendencies toward women. 

The man who killed 49 people at the Orlando nightclub, Pulse, had a history of taking his wife's paychecks, forbidding her to leave the house, and beating her if she failed to perform her 'wifely' duties. 

Could he have been loved into normalcy? 


Read tales of domestic violence situations, and you will often see stories of women who bent over backwards to meet their demands of men and were met with ever-increasing levels of hatred and violence. The paradigm does not work, and appeasing a hostile person does not work. 

It just eats away at the person doing the loving. 

It must also be said that we should not allow bullying of anyone whatsoever, simply because it is wrong. 

A man named Elliot Rodger killed seven people, including himself, and sought to take revenge on the women he felt had slighted him. He was quoted as having said, “I don’t know why you girls aren’t attracted to me but I will punish you all for it …You will finally see that I am, in truth, the superior one, the true alpha male.”

Imagine if a girl had come close to him, trying to 'love' him out of his problems. I daresay she would have joined the ranks of other kind-hearted individuals that end up in the line of fire when these men finally snap. 

I once took a disturbed person into my home. 

This was through the foster care system, and I had, wrongly, believed that care and love would help change this individual. What happened is that I became the target for their fury and wrath, and when I had suffered an injury through a household accident, this person became a threat to my safety. 

My love didn't fix it. 

My love could not fix it. 

And neither can yours.

We absolutely need to befriend the people society would rather ignore. There is a difference between hurting and abandoned people and those who have underlying aggression and violent tendencies. 

Proverbs 22:24 says, 'Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered'.

The women who try to love violent men and the people who try to befriend dangerous people often end up as targets themselves. The kind gestures of others are not taken to heart and are often received with resentment. This puts the well-doer in harm's way. 

The Bible says we are to innocent as doves and yet cautious as serpents and that God's people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.

Inform yourself, and understand the difference between bullied harmless people and those who would make you their prey. 


Rosa Hopkins is a writer who has contributed to the Huffington Post, print newspapers, and online periodicals. She hosted a radio show on WDZY AM & FM, Richmond, and WEMM, Huntington, WV. She is a recording artist whose music has been played on country gospel stations throughout the country. She writes at, and she can be found on Facebook at

Other Posts You May Like:

A Third of My Generation is Dead



Share this post to social media!


  • Leave a comment: